


I Love How You Love Me

by looselybaker



Category: BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Angst, F/F, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, comforting misaki, sad Kaoru, theyre college roommates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-07
Updated: 2020-08-07
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:00:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25760221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/looselybaker/pseuds/looselybaker
Summary: She was dimly aware of her legs beginning to fall asleep, of her back beginning to ache, of her arms beginning to throb as she kept brushing her fingers through Kaoru’s disheveled locks.  But she barely noticed.  It paled in comparison to the worst of it all.The thing that hurt the most was the sound of Kaoru’s helpless weeping meeting her ears.
Relationships: Okusawa Misaki/Seta Kaoru
Comments: 13
Kudos: 54





	I Love How You Love Me

The scents of dinner wafted throughout the small kitchen as Misaki was hard at work on an authentic, traditional Japanese dinner: frozen onigiri and miso soup.

It was often like this, though she knew Kaoru didn’t mind, and nor did she. What else were you supposed to do on a college budget? She periodically stirred the pot and checked on the riceballs, eventually deciding both were about done and spooning appropriately-sized portions onto a few dishes.

She had arrived home from university first this time around, and decided to take it upon herself to bear dinner duty one more time this week, though she knew it was Kaoru’s turn. What was the harm in doing something nice?

The last of the preparations almost complete, she dipped the dirtied pot and platters into the sink and moved to begin setting the table. As she carried two bowls of steaming hot broth and set various silverware on the table, her mind began to wander.

Kaoru had that audition today, didn’t she? Misaki had wished her luck as she left the place early that morning. She recalled that big, determined smile planted firmly on the purple-haired woman’s face as she insisted with full confidence that today was the day she would land the part. And the confidence was well deserved, indeed; Misaki recalled the late, late nights where she had noticed Kaoru’s spot next to her on the bed empty, only to get up and find her vigorously rehearsing under her breath in the living room.

Kaoru was talented, that was for sure, and she worked harder than anyone else she knew, but Misaki remembered she was going up against the best of the best. And the best of the best happened to have quite a few years of experience on her.

Her eyes briefly glanced over the clock on the wall. The sight induced a frown.

Kaoru should’ve been here twenty minutes ago.

Chest suddenly tightening with worry, Misaki dashed over to pick up her phone and began composing a quick text verifying Kaoru’s safety. Her finger nearly met the send button in her panic, but not before she heard, as if on cue, the telltale jingling of keys in the door.

Letting loose a sigh of relief, she resumed the finishing touches, placing a pair of mugs on the table and deciding whether her girlfriend might prefer three onigiri or four.

“I’m home, dearest,” rang a voice a few moments later, followed by the plop of a bag being dropped onto the floor and the shuffling of a coat being hung on the wall.

Was it just her, or was the tone a little…empty?

“Welcome back. Key giving you trouble? I heard you fumbling around with it.” Misaki placed napkins down with a flourish, table now complete. She marveled at her work, hands on her hips.

It took a second too long for the reply. “…Ah, no. It was simply cold is all.” She heard Kaoru step through the hallway and into the dining room.

“Oh, alright. Well, ta-daa. Made your favorite, miso and onigiri, straight from the convenience store. Come and sit down, everything’s all ready.” Misaki turned around to face her. Instantly, she tensed as her eyes lingered on her face.

“Ah, Misaki, you are much too good to me. It smells delightful.” The smile Kaoru wore was, perhaps, just a simple small one to most. But it set off something in her head. She couldn’t put her finger on it. Strained, maybe?

Brushing it off with a slight head shake, she suddenly remembered.

“Your audition! How’d it go? Can I call you the newest addition to Ikehara Theater?” Misaki asked with a light laugh.

There was a heavy pause.

…

Oh.

“No. I failed. They wouldn’t let me finish my audition,” Kaoru said levelly, eyes fixed on the corner of the room.

“…They wouldn’t let you finish? That’s-“ Misaki stopped herself as she saw Kaoru slowly raise both hands to cover her face.

This wasn’t a particularly convenient time for your muscles to freeze and your mind to go blank. But all Misaki could do right then was sit and watch, mouth slightly agape.

“I failed,” Kaoru repeated, voice muffled by her palms. “I couldn't do it.” She took several long, shaky inhales, as if trying to compose herself. She was silent for several beats.

Kaoru’s hands slowly fell from her face, though not voluntarily, it seemed. It looked as if her arms had simply decided not to listen to her. She was visibly trembling, her legs looking as if they might fail at any moment.

“Misaki…” she choked, fingers gripping tightly at the front of her own shirt. “I a-apologize.” Kaoru immediately erupted into loud, disgusting sobs, tears now flowing freely down her cheeks as she dropped her arms back to her sides in utter defeat. Her face was distorted in pure, raw despair, head turned to the ceiling as if begging the heavens themselves.

“Kaoru!” Misaki immediately felt her senses return to her, instinctively lunging forward to hold her in her arms as best she could despite the height difference. She felt the actress’s knees give out as she crumpled to the floor beneath her. Misaki sunk down with her, now both a jumbled mess on the floor.

Misaki hugged her closer, Kaoru’s head now resting on her shoulder and vice versa. With each shudder, she felt her own body move along, and each time, felt a sickening pang in her chest, again and again, over and over.

She heard Kaoru attempt to form words several times, only for her to realize she was out of breath from her cries, which seemed to send her into another fit where she could do nothing but gasp and sob.

“M-Mis…aki,” Kaoru managed to force out at one point, hands still hanging limply at her sides. She swallowed, choked, then tried to swallow again, breathing labored as she attempted to steady herself.

“I’m right here, Kaoru,” Misaki said gently, face buried deep in her purple locks. She said no more, for fear her own voice would start to crack, too.

“I c-couldn’t speak,” Kaoru blubbered, inhaling sharply. “I got, got up on th-the stage. And, and n-nothing would co-come out.” She could barely finish the sentence before her cries resumed with increased vigor.

Misaki couldn’t think of anything to say. All she did was lean into the embrace further, one hand gripping a fistful of the back of Kaoru’s shirt and the other slowly running her hands through her hair.

“M-Misaki! Misaki… Mi-Misa…ki,” Kaoru wailed, over and over, as if saying her name would make it stop. Every time she heard it, her heart throbbed further. “I s-sat in the car, for-for hours. I w-was all alone. With, without y-you. Misaki!” She felt Kaoru bury her nose deep into the crook of her neck, the sobs plaguing her still shaking her body.

“I’m with you now, Kaoru. I’m right here,” Misaki repeated, gently stroking Kaoru’s head. “I love you so much.” She strained to prevent her voice from shaking, lest she worry the taller woman further.

She hadn’t realized quite how much Kaoru truly wanted this job. She was naturally passionate, always working hard, always putting her all into everything she did. There definitely would have been a host of opportunities for the two of them had she landed it, after all. Definitely no more microwave dinners in their future.

Suddenly, memories of not only late nights, but other occasions flashed in Misaki’s head. Spaced-out mornings in which Kaoru would be practicing, mumbling the lines under her breath over her breakfast, days upon days she would spend researching the part, asking her on many an occasion for her opinion on which inflection sounded more fleeting. Kaoru had probably driven herself insane with the pressure she put on herself, knowing her.

And she hadn’t noticed.

Misaki mentally kicked herself for not being more vocal about her support, for not calling her earlier in the day, for not doing something.

Anything to have prevented this.

She was dimly aware of her legs beginning to fall asleep, of her back beginning to ache, of her arms beginning to throb as she kept brushing her fingers through Kaoru’s disheveled locks. But she barely noticed. It paled in comparison to the worst of it all.

The thing that hurt the most was the sound of Kaoru’s helpless weeping meeting her ears.

Kaoru was always the one to be taking care of her. Of course, their relationship was filled with give and take, but it was simply in the prince’s nature to want to treat her, to be the initiator in most romantic gestures, and to surprise her in various pleasant ways. Kaoru was kind, easygoing, chivalrous, suave, and ever-upbeat. She had her softer, needier side, which was no stranger to Misaki. And it wasn’t like she hadn’t heard Kaoru upset before. She had been there to comfort her back then, too.

But this was different.

Misaki felt utterly and completely powerless.

She had never experienced a pain quite like this before.

What felt like hours passed before Kaoru began to slowly, slowly quiet down. Her head never moved from the spot on Misaki’s shoulder as her voice fell from a desperate cry to a low whimper. Misaki could practically feel the exhaustion coming off of her in waves, the occasional breathless sob sending tremors through her. Kaoru’s arms weakly moved to wrap around her torso, squeezing her so gently that she might not have noticed had she not been sitting still, mind painfully alert.

Misaki gradually dared to shift her position, briefly pulling away to readjust herself and lift Kaoru into her arms.

This was met with a low, slightly-alarmed murmur in protest, the older still too drained to form words.

“Shh, it’s alright. I’m just taking you to the bed, okay? Is that good?” Misaki asked gently, waiting for an answer before picking her up off the ground. A pause, then a minuscule nod. Upon the confirmation, she hoisted Kaoru up and into the bedroom, laying her on the mattress as if she was as fragile as fine china. The tall figure curled up, knees tucking closer to her chest.

She got the first proper look at Kaoru’s face in what felt like hours. It was sickly pale, cheeks flushed, her tears’ paths still visible, trailing down her face. Misaki had to force herself to look away, unable to bear the miserable sight as her breath caught in her throat.

Misaki steadily moved to get up off the bed with the intention to retrieve dinner for the both of them, but immediately felt fingers wrap around her wrist. It was clear Kaoru was trying to grip tightly, but all she could muster was a weak brush.

“No!” Her voice cracked. It was immensely hoarse. “Please stay with me.” Her tone was panicked, desperate.

Misaki looked back. “I was just going to—“ She stopped. The look in Kaoru’s eyes said enough. “…Okay, it’s okay. I’m here.”

She walked around to the other side of the bed and lowered herself on top of the covers. Laying on her side, Kaoru facing away, she lightly wrapped her arms around her form, pulling her closer.

Misaki could feel the still painfully-quick hammering of Kaoru’s heart beneath her fingers. With her free hand, she began to run it through Kaoru’s hair as she knew she liked, over and over, at times lingering to gently rub a section of her scalp.

After a bit, she heard a quiet, rasping whimper. She stopped her movements instantly, straining her ears to listen.

“Can I turn around?” Kaoru asked in a whisper, unmoving.

“…Sure,” Misaki said after a beat, lifting her arms to allow her room as Kaoru flipped over.

“I want to see your face,” she said softly, placing a frail hand on her side. “…This is alright?” Not exactly referring to the shift in position.

“Mm. This is okay.” Misaki felt a tug at her chest. Kaoru had cared to confirm, even when she was like this.

In response, Misaki pulled Kaoru close, replacing the hand that was buried in her deep violet locks. She pressed her lips to the top of her head, feeling the dry sobs begin to pick up again underneath her.

“M-Misaki…” Kaoru breathed, quiet cries escaping her lips once more. She sounded as if she didn’t have enough energy to continue, and yet, it was out of her control.

“I’m not going anywhere. I love you.” This only caused the tears’ intensity to increase, Kaoru desperately gripping at her shirt.

“I l-love you,” she replied back in between shaking breaths, burying her head back into the sweet spot in the crook of her neck.

Misaki kept her arm securely on Kaoru’s back, gently rubbing it back and forth as the other continued brushing out her tangled purple mane. She kissed Kaoru’s forehead once again.

It felt as if there was nothing else Misaki could do. Her heart ached more than she felt it ever had before. She couldn’t help but feel responsible, running all the things she could’ve done differently in her head, thinking endlessly about how she could’ve helped more.

Though, she soon realized none of that mattered.

“No matter what, I will.” She felt Kaoru trying again and again to steady herself, stifling more sobs as she took quivering inhale after exhale.

All that did was being there for her now.

Misaki didn’t know how long it was. She didn’t find she cared all that much either. All she knew was that after a certain amount of time, Kaoru’s breathing grew steadier and steadier, eventually settling into a calm lull. Her hand’s grip on the fabric of her shirt had loosened. She made no noise.

Misaki continued to feel Kaoru’s hair underneath her fingers, though her arm throbbed fiercely, and though her recipient was unconscious. She didn’t want to stop. It was strangely nice to just touch it. It was soft, comforting. She toyed with a particularly long section, curling it around her index finger before letting it fall back down.

In the back of her mind was the uneaten, cold dinner sitting comfortably on the table. The fact that she still wore her tear-stained, wrinkled clothes from that morning. The dreadful feeling that she would have to wake up early for a certain class the following day. The darkness that fell upon their room as the sun sank further and further, until it was no more.

But every thought seemed miles away, hazy and unimportant compared to the gentle rise and fall of the figure in her arms. All else was pushed aside with an inward “I’ll deal with it later.”

Misaki angled her head downwards, finally feeling able to take a look at Kaoru’s face.

Unsurprisingly, it was blank, peaceful. Just sleeping. It felt foreign compared to the heart-wrenching distortion she saw previously, the image burned into her mind. She couldn’t help but sigh with relief, as if some part of her believed Kaoru’s expression might’ve still been that way.

The sight soothed nerves Misaki didn’t previously notice were tensed and sent a calm spreading through her. Her eyes fluttered shut, every sense filled with Kaoru. The restful sound of her breath, the warmth of it softly tickling the back of her neck as she felt herself gradually drifting further into unconsciousness.

 _This is love_ , was the last thought that filled her mind before she slipped into a deep sleep, Kaoru's presence as her lullaby.

**Author's Note:**

> hello i am back and i am back with kaomisa angst...im so soft for them. it was actually really nice to write kaoru being the one comforted for a change, i feel like it's not as if it's a foreign idea to them for misaki to be the one doing the comforting, it just doesn't happen often since kaoru is so naturally resilient, at least on the outside. i made her this upset because i feel like she'd really shoulder and worry about the huge responsibility of landing a big job that would improve their lives a lot, so she felt she failed misaki by not getting it. and fluff at the end. that is all. anyways i really hope you enjoyed, i have a ton more ideas im working on now. any and all feedback is appreciated! thank you so much!  
> also also the title is from the song i love how you love me by jeff magnum. i listened to the live version on repeat while writing this, it really made me think of them. SORRY THIS IS LONG I HAD LOTS OF THOUGHTS ABOUT THIS ONE <333 THANK YOU AGAIN


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